We cannot change what we do not acknowledge. I am by no means an expert on race or history. I am just someone who didn’t know what I didn’t know until I needed to know it. Because it is my honor to be the mother of children of a different race than mine, placed into my hands by their first-mothers and through our open adoption arrangement, it is my privilege to have my eyes are opened on a daily basis. When I share things about race, it’s not out of a desire to be performative, to shame...

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Soooooo, it’s been a little crazy. There’s been some stuff. There’s been some things.

You know what the problem is with being committed to growth and awareness? That the universe takes you at your word and provides the opportunities to test your commitment to those goals. You know, growth opportunities.

Sometimes those growth opportunities strip you to the very core of yourself. For me, this last week has laid bare all my most vulnerable and tender layers, brought up deep past trauma...

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Pondering Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

Last night I went to The Forgotten Carols by Michael McLean with my son's beautiful birth mom. It's been a difficult year for both of us for different reasons and the music and message in this performance touched us both. As in, we were a blubbering, snotty mess. 

One song in particular, Mary Let Her Hold Her Baby, is particularly touching to those of us...
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Today pondering Matthew 25:36 "I was in prison and ye came unto me."

Our Father in Heaven never meant for this life to be a prison to us, but sometimes the things we go through build up chains and walls around our hearts that keep us from moving towards Him. This last year I've been doing a lot of work on freeing myself from those chains, so I can become what He wants me to be.

A big portion of that work has been reclaiming my "inner child" and settings straight believes that had been twisted ...

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Today, pondering what it means to #lighttheworld . 

I didn't start out doing these post with the intention of doing one every day. I know myself too well. And I know how busy life can get for me. but I've missed lots of beautiful scriptures this last week that mean a lot to me. "I was a stranger and you took me in. Blessed are they that mourn. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Where your treasure is there will your heart be also. Blessed are the merciful. I was naked and you c...
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Pondering John 5:39 "search the scriptures; for in them you think you have eternal life." This is truth in my life. God speaks to me through the scriptures. The messages are customer tailored for every circumstance of my life. 

The fact that God can use the voice of people long gone to speak to my soul is a miracle to me. He can take things that in context mean something very obvious and make them pertain to my life as if they were written about and for me personally. 

This is the scripture fro...
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Pondering Matthew 7:1 today. "Judge not, that ye be not judged."

I think the hang up here is the word judge. What does it mean to judge somebody? I mean, we all need to have judgement in our lives, right? We need to know if something is a good idea or bad idea, should I date this guy or not, is this a sound financial decision or not, that kind of stuff. So when we are told not to judge it makes us kind of grimace a little bit. But what Jesus is talking about here is the kind of judgment where...

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Pondering the commandment to honor your father and mother. 
I'm thinking about all the times I've felt like I've failed my kids, broke my kids, screwed up my kids. And that's probably a lot. Like, we have a jar where I put money when I swear. Like, I have a therapy fund for my kids. But never did I ever start out with the intention to be a crappy mom. And hopefully the good outweighs the negative in the end. 
Learning this about myself has helped me be more free to honor my own mom and dad. My ...
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Pondering Matthew 25:35 today. “For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:” Today I ponder it not in the context of physical nourishment, but in the context of spiritual and emotional nourishment. I'm thinking about all the times when people in my life, and even complete strangers have filled an empty part of me with their kindness and compassion. The ability to be able to sit with someone in their sadness or their...
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Pondering Matthew 10:8 today.
Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about being a small child and how, as a small child, you freely receive all that life has to offer to you. You take in the love and care that is directed towards you without thinking about it. It is there, you need it, you take it. It's not until you are a bit older that you begin to question those things. Do I deserve this gift? Does the person giving it want something in return that I don't want to give back? I'm thinking o...
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Sometimes I want to write about something, but so does everyone else, so I don’t, but then it comes back to me so many times that I do it anyway.

Lots of people, women in particular, have written about how the movie Wonder Woman affected them. They’ve written about female empowerment from a thousand different angles. It was great. I loved the articles and the discussions surrounding them.

The first time I saw Wonder Woman, I was in the theatre with a group of real life Wonder Women; wom...

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I had, errrr, I mean, got to give a talk in my new  LDS church ward today. It was the shortest talk ever, being cut down by about 8 minutes as I sat there watching the time tick, tick, tick away after being scheduled to be the concluding speaker at the homecoming talk of a Sister Missionary (why do they do that?!). But I think it may have made the talk stronger. It certainly was short and to the point. And, like, BAM! Sister Beitler's in the house. Lol. Anyway. I had some requests to have a c...

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You know the story of Chicken Little, and how, when an acorn hits him on the head, he decides the sky is falling and gets everyone all freaked out? Chickens really are like that. If one of my ladies decides that something is bothering her, she clucks and postures until the whole flock is freaking out, even if nothing is really happening. It's pretty funny to watch. Aren't you glad you're not a chicken?
 
Then again, it seems that the sky is always falling for someone, somewhere. There is always...
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Someone on Facebook made a snarky comment the other week about all the drama that has occurred in my life lately and how I kept posting about it, and how they were a little sick of hearing about it all. My first thought was hey sunshine, no one is sicker of the drama then the person it is happening to. Then I thought of those people, you know you have some too, those who are forever complaining, forever a victim, seem to not really want to get better. Was I being one of those? Gosh, I hope no...

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Even though adoption has changed a lot in the last few years, even though I belong to a church that celebrates families, eternal connections through generations and even has a past of *gasp* women sharing a husband, people still get freaked out when they find out we have two open adoptions. This means that both our younger boys’ birth families are involved in their lives, included in our family events, and are treated as extended family. 

It’s not always easy, but then again, what family r...
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So it took me about 2 weeks to spiff up the studio for this tour. I tend to be a bit of a hoarder and messy when in the midst of a project. I went through stacks of papers, stowed things in closets and placed my junk on shelves in artistic arrangements. I vacuumed eraser dust, charcoal, gold leaf flakes and spider webs out from behind the desk, scrubbed the floor and the baseboards.The bathroom in the studio is the only place in our house ...
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